我剛買了一部新手機，我有很多話要說，請耐心等待。基本上，兩年前發生了很多事情……我把這些都寫下來了。
說實話，我已經很久沒有回到法庭了，因為我認為無論如何都沒有人聽到我的聲音。上次出庭時，我寫了四張紙的話，訴說我四個月來的經歷。
對我做這種事的人，不可以安然地逍遙法外。我來回顧一下，2018 年我在巡演。我是被迫的，我的管理團隊說如果我不去巡演，我就要
法官：我不想打斷你，但我的法庭記者說你要說慢一點。
好的。對我做這種事的人，不可以輕易避過責任。2018 年我被迫做巡迴演唱會，他們說如果我不巡演，我便要找律師，因為他們能告我。
在賭城我一走下舞台時，他便遞上一張紙說我必須在上面簽名，非常具威脅性和可怕的。在法律監護下，我不能找自己的律師。出於恐懼，我繼續工作。
當我完成巡演後，我又被安排了一個在賭城的新演唱會。我很早就要開始排練，但這很辛苦，因為我本來已經在賭城做過了四年演出，我需要休息一下。
但不，他們說這就是我的時間表，事情就是要這樣進展。
我每週排練四天。一半時間在工作室，一半在西湖的工作室。基本上我編導演唱會的大部分。
很多編舞都是我做的，意味著我要教我的dancers 跳舞，我很認真做事。很多視頻都有把這些紀錄下。我不只是做得好–我很棒。我帶領着16 位dancers排練。
但我的團隊說的卻是另一回事。
他們都說我沒有參加排練，說我不肯乖乖服藥——我的藥明明只在早上服用，不是在排練時，他們根本沒有看到我服藥的時候。
他們為什麼要這樣說呢？
當我只是不喜歡一個舞步想改變它時，我就好像放了一顆炸彈般。
我說不，我不想要這舞步。我的團隊、舞者和助理便會走進一個房間，關上門，至少有45分鐘都沒人出來。
法官大人，我不是任何人的奴隸。我可以對一個舞步說不。
我當時的治療師 Dr. Benson告訴我， [Benson 2019年去世]，我的經理人打電話告訴他我不配合和遵守排練的指導。
他還說我沒有吃藥，這太荒謬，過去的八年裡，我每天早上都讓同一位女士給我同樣的藥。我根本不認識這些人，他們離我很遠。他們這樣誣陷我完全講不過去。
有一個星期他們對我很好，我告訴他們我不想做。他們說如果我不想做新的演唱會，可以不做，因為我真的太緊張了。
當他們說我不必做時，我好像放下了 200 磅的巨石，因為我真的很辛苦，太過分了。我受不了。
我記得我告訴助手，我有種奇怪的預感，覺得他們很快會因為我拒絕巡演而懲罰我或什麼的。
三天后，在我對巡演說不之後，我的治療師讓我坐在一間房內，說他接到100萬個電話投訴我不配合排練和不肯服藥。但這一切都是假的！
——第二天，他立即把我的藥轉成了lithium。他轉了我已服用了五年的藥物。跟本來的藥相比，lithium是一種非常非常強的藥物。
服用超過五個月，便會出現精神障礙。
但他仍要我吃這藥，這藥令我覺得像酒醉般。我吃完什至無法與我的父母正常聊天。
我告訴醫生我很害怕，但他卻叫了六位護士來我家監測我吃新藥的狀況，但我打從一開始就不想服用這藥。我家有六個護士，他們足足有一個月不讓我駕車去任何地方。
我的家人不但他媽的沒有做任何事幫我，我父親直頭是這些事情的推手！
發生在我身上的任何事都必須得到我父親的批准。
他還裝作不知道團隊要我在聖誕假期接受評估，才放我到Louisiana 和孩子團聚。他是允許這一切發生的始末。而我其他家人只是冷眼旁觀。
在兩週的假期裡，有位女士每天到我家四個小時，對我進行評估。評估了很長時間。他們說我必須要做這個評估。
之後我就接到了我爸的電話，基本上是說我未能通過測試或是什麼。他說 ：“對不起，布蘭妮，你必須聽醫生的話。
他們將送你到Beverly Hills的一個小房子裡做復康(rehab)。你每月為此要支付 60,000 美元。” 我在電話哭了一小時，他卻享受每一分鐘。
像我這樣財勢龐大的人，他喜歡能100000%控制和傷害他的女兒 。
他很享受。我收拾好就去了那個地方。在那我要每週工作 7 天，沒有休息日，在California跟這相似的，就只有人口販賣了。
他們強迫我工作，拿走我所有財產——信用卡、現金、手機護照——並要我與同住的人一起在家工作。護士、24小時的保安都和我住在一起。
有位廚師會在工作日過來為我做飯。他們連我換衫都看着。早午晚，我的房間都沒有隱私，我每週都要抽八枝(？)的血。(小編表示聽不清楚)
如果我不參加會議，或是拒絕每週7天，每天8 a.m.- 6 p.m. 10小時，沒有假期的工作，我將無法見到我的孩子或男友。
我的日程安排中我從來沒有發言權。他們總是說我必須這樣做。法官大人，我跟你說，每週 7 天，每天 10 小時在椅子上，在迷糊間……您還無法走出門口。
這就是我兩年後再次向你控訴的原因。我撒謊告訴全世界“我很好我很開心。” 這是謊言。
我以為我說得夠多事情便會真的變好。因為我一直在否認。我很震驚。
我受到了心理創傷。人們說，裝到你成功為止, (fake it until you make it) 。但真相是，我不開心。我睡不著。我很憤怒。這太瘋狂了。我很沮喪。我每天都哭。
我告訴你這些的原因是我不明白California州法院怎麼能把我上次說的一一紀錄在文件中，卻什麼都不做——只是用我的錢雇了另一個傀儡，好讓我爸繼續留在船上控制我。
法官大人，我爸，我團隊，以及其他參與這監護的人，他們都擔當着不同的角色折磨我，他們應該入獄。他們為Miley Cyrus 工作時，好像她在 VMA 的舞台上抽煙一事，新一代從來都沒有因為做錯事而受到懲罰。
我寶貴的身體為我爸工作了 13 年，我努力保持健康和美貌。
如此完美。但他要我不停工作。當我在承受著California法庭允許我自大的父親對我做的這些狗事，他奪走他女兒的生活。
如非公事，他在我生命裡沒有扮演任何角色的。
法院只是冷眼旁觀地默許他這樣對我。對我來說，這些為我工作領我薪水的人，擁有太多的控制權。他們威脅我如果我不做這，那我就要上法庭。
他們對我說為了保持形象，我要繼續前進捱過這些。
我不喝酒的——但我應該喝酒，他們都讓我的心經歷了什麼狗事？
還有他們送我去在Bridges的復康院，原本四個月來和我一起做復康的人全都沒有出現，他們都不來。
如果一個人不想，他就不用做任何事。他們怎麼老是逼我？
為什麼我總受到我父親和參與這監護的人的威脅？如果我不做他們奴役我的事，他們就會懲罰我。
上次我和法官你說話時，對話像是沒意義的，然後我爸依然能掌控我監護，讓我覺得自己已經死了——就像我是無關緊要的，好像沒人會為我做點什麼，好像你覺得我在撒謊。
我再次告訴你，我沒有說謊。我想被聽到，也許你可以理解他們對我的傷害有多大。
我想要改變，這是我應得的。
他們要我坐下來接受評估，那我才可以有發言權，法官大人，我不知道原來我可以”參與”這個監護。我很抱歉和無知，但老實說之前我一直不知道原來我能夠向法院申請終止監護。
老實說，我不認為我虧欠任何人需要被評估。我經已證明了自己很多次，綽綽有餘。我什至覺得不應該再容許任何試圖質疑我智力的人來冒犯我，讓他們評估我還是否需要這個荒謬的監護。我做的已經夠多了。
我不欠這些人任何東西，諷刺的是，一邊巡演，一邊養活這一大堆人的人是我。這既荒謬又令我沮喪——我從未公開說這些，我不想公開因為，老實說，我認為沒有人會相信。Paris Hilton訴說自己在那學校經歷的事，我以前也不相信——對不起，我是局外人。
也許我錯了，但這是我不想向公眾說的原因。人們會取笑：“是假的，她什麽都有，怎麼可能，她可是小甜甜布蘭妮噢。”
我不是說假話。我只想奪回我的人生。已經13年了。夠了。我已經很久沒擁有過我的錢了。
我的願望就是不用評估就結束這個監護。再重申，如California州法院眼睜睜看著我養活這麼多人，支付這些到處和我巡演的人的薪水，我還被評估沒有能力照顧自己，我不夠好，這是荒謬的，我做我的工作是極出色的。我竟允許這些人控制我，法官大人。
現在，我不會再見任何我不喜歡的人——我已經在違背意願下見過夠多的人，我受夠了。我想要的就是擁有我的錢和讓我男友他媽的開車送我。
很老實很老實說，我想起訴我的家人。我也希望能與世界分享我的故事，以及他們對我做的事，而不是黑箱作業好讓他們繼續受益。
我希望世界知道他們把我禁聲這麼久，我的心很痛苦。我一直很憤怒，每天都哭，這讓我很擔心，我卻被命令不可以告發這些折磨我的人。
為了我的心智，我需要法官你批准我接受採訪，去公開他們對我做的事，其實，我有權發聲。我的律師卻說我不能。這太過份了。我不能讓公眾知道他們對我做的事，我不發聲的話，根本就是在妥協。
其實我不想接受采訪——我更想你開放法庭 (open court) 讓媒體旁聽，我來到法院才知今天我們就是open court，所以謝謝法官你。其實，我不需要采訪，而是需要訴說我心裡的憤怒和所有事，這不公平。
他們公開誣衊我。我的家人，什至能到新聞上接受任何他們想要的主持人採訪，去談論我，讓我看起來很蠢很糗。但我卻不能求救。
已經兩年了，我一直想要打電話跟法官你談話並錄音，像我們現在這樣——我不知道我們將會有這機會。
我的律師 Sam 一直擔心我如果反抗，我會過度勞累，復康院會把你弄得更辛苦，可能會告你。他認為我應該繼續對這些事沉默。 雖然我已經與 Sam建立了信任，我現在每週都和他約見三次，但其實我從未有機會親自挑選自己的律師。我希望能做到這一點。
我來的主要原因是因為我想在無需評估下撤銷監護。我做了研究，法官大人。有很多法官提供的監護下，受監護人不必一直接受評估，除非有是家庭成員指出受監護人有精神問題。
考慮到我的家人靠我的監護生活了 13 年，如果他們有人說：“我認為這不應該結束，我們必須幫助她。” 我不會感到驚訝，尤其是當我終於等到公義來臨，有機會揭露他們對我所做的事時。
也想和你談談我的義務，我認為目前我不欠任何人任何東西。我每周有三個會議，無論如何我都要參加。我不喜歡被人們命令無論如何我都要這樣做，即使我病了。
我想每週與治療師只開一次會。他們把我送到那個地方之前，我從來沒有去過那兒——我見完醫生，便要見治療師。我所被迫的是非法的。我不應該被限制每週都要見這些人3次。
我今天和你談話是因為，我感到即使是Jodi [暫時監護人] 也開始對我太過分了。他們要我每週接受兩次治療和見心理醫生。
我是他們的金礦。
我過去從未試過每週看治療師多於一次。去找這個人太費金錢/力氣了。
我害怕人。我經歷過這些後我不相信人們。為了讓我難堪，他們巧妙地要我去一個很容易被發現的西湖療養院接受治療。
昨天，我一步出療養院哭泣的樣子便被狗仔隊捕捉了。這很尷尬，也很令人沮喪。當我接受治療，我需要隱私，例如在我家裡，我八年以來都是這樣。
去見Dr. Benson時——他後來死了——我要去一個和西湖相似的地方，那裡都是非常暴露非常糟糕的。我說到哪兒呢？
在西湖他們和 Dr. Benson 一樣，他非法地以治療為由虐待我，很老實說。我太幸運了——
法官：法庭記者說，你能否慢一點，因為她試圖確保她記下一切。
好的。很老實說，當 Dr. Benson 去世了，我跪下感謝上帝。換句話說，我團隊想再次迫我做事，由於這些創傷，我有困在小房間的恐懼症。
我困在那個地方有四個月，他們這樣做是不能接受的——對不起，我說太快—— 每週兩次和一位我從未批准過的新治療師同坐一個小房間，還要我支付他薪水。我不想那樣做。我究竟做了什麼要承受這種待遇。
根據法律，強迫我做不想做的事是違法的。根據法律，老實說所謂團隊中的“上帝”，我應該要起訴他們，他們威脅我如果我不去每週兩次會議，你就不能用你的錢去毛伊島度假。
你必須跟我們的要求去做，你才能離開。他們非常聰明。
西湖曝光率很高，他們知道我因監護成了熱門話題，狗仔隊必會在那拍我走出醫院的照片。我求他們讓我在家做治療，這樣就有隱私了。
從一開始，監護中誰是經濟支柱？我賺很多錢，讓他們都賺錢。單單是這個事實，監護就應該要結束。如果我可以工作，賺錢，養活自己並支付其他人薪水，我不應該受到監護，真荒謬。
任何允許人們擁有他人的財產，並威脅他們說：“除非你照著我說的做，否則你不能花你的錢。” 的法律都應該改變，我還要付錢給這些人。
法官大人，我從 17 歲開始工作，你要明白每個早上對我來說是怎樣的——我不能去某個地方，除非我每週都去見我不認識的人，他們都跟那個治療師一樣濫用了他們的權力去控制我。
我真的相信這種監護是濫用職權的（abusive ），我們可以整天說，哦，監護是來幫助人們的。但是法官大人，外面還有無數個監護正被濫用。
如果我不擁有的自己生活，我就沒有真正地生活過。我不欠他們，去見一個我不認識的人與他分享我的問題。
我其實不相信心理治療。我一直認為跟上帝傾訴就夠。我想在不接受評估下結束監護。與此同時，我每週只想見治療師一次，我只想他來我家。
我不願意去西湖，被醜陋的狗仔隊當著我的臉笑，拍我哭的照片，人們則在旁邊的餐館一邊喝美酒享用晚餐，一邊看著我。他們把我送到最暴露的地方，我說過不想去那裡，因為我知道狗仔隊會出現。
我不知你會怎決定，法官大人。但這是我和你交談的唯一機會。我需要你的幫助，所以希望你能告訴我你的取態。
老實說，我不知道該說什麼，但我的要求就是在沒有評估下結束監護，我想提交請願書結束監護。我不想再被評估，不想像以前那樣每天和人們坐在房間裡幾個小時。在那之後，他們讓我的生活變得更糟。
老實說，我對此很陌生。我做了資料搜集。我有常識和知道有人在沒有評估下結束監護了。所以我只希望你考慮到這個。
在 COVID 期間，我足足有一年的時間都不能獲得任何保健 (因為被限制人身自由)。(我媽) 她說到處都沒有服務。她在撒謊。
COVID 期間，我媽在去了兩次Louisiana的這些場所 。一年來，我指甲沒修，頭髮沒剪，沒有按摩，沒有針灸。
一年來什麼都沒做，連我家的女傭我都見到她每週去做不同的指甲。(我媽) 她跟我爸爸一樣，非常相似，但只是一個不同的版本，她會主張我工作和待在家裡，不要去度假。
他們習慣我做他們每週安排好的事情。我已經受夠。如今我不覺得我欠他們什麼。他們要知道他們其實是為我工作。
我其實應該能夠——我曾經會常常去見一個朋友。但過去兩年我每週都要開三個會議，我在那裡見了很多女人，卻不能見住在離我八分鐘遠的朋友，真可笑。
他們讓我覺得我生活在復康計劃中。好像這就是我家。其實我希望我男友能用他的車載我。我想每週只見一次治療師，不要兩次。
我希望治療師來我家。我想要改變，我想來場真正的交易，我想能夠結婚生子。
在監護中，我被告知我不能結婚或生孩子，我現在體內有宮內節育環，所以不會懷孕。但其實我想取出它，我想再要一個孩子。
但這個所謂的團隊不讓我去看醫生把它取出來，因為他們不想我再有孩子。基本上，這種監管對我的傷害遠大於好處。
我擁有我的生命，這是我應得的。我一生都在工作。
我應得的還有兩到三年的休息時間，然後做我想做的事。但這是一個很大的問題。我今天終於可以坦誠和你談這件事。但我希望能永遠和你通電話，因為當我一掛線後，突然間我的世界就剩下——“不行”，“不準”，“不可以”……….然後突然間，我感到被眾人聯手對付起來，感到被欺負，感到被孤立和只有自己。
我厭倦了感到孤立無援。我應該擁有與任何人同等的權利，擁有孩子、家庭、任何這些東西，等等。
這就是我想對你說的全部。非常感謝你讓我今天和你談話。
法官：不客氣。而且，我只想告訴你，我當然知悉到你所說的一切和感受，我知道你需要很大的勇氣才能說出一切，你要欣賞自己的發聲和分享。
譯文出處【Britney Spears Hong Kong Fans Club】
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FULL TRANSCRIPT:
I just got a new phone, and I have a lot to say, so bear with me. Basically, a lot has happened since two years ago… I wrote all this down.
The last time I was in court, I will be honest with you. I haven’t been back to court in a long time, because I don’t think I was heard on any level. When I came to court the last time I brought four sheets of paper in my hands and wrote what I had been through the last four months before I came there. The people who did that to me should not be able to walk away so easily. I’ll recap. I was on tour in 2018. I was forced to do my management said if I don’t do this tour, I will have to —
JUDGE: I hate to interrupt you, but my court reporter is asking, you have to speak a little more slowly.
Oh, of course. Yes. Okay. The people who did this to me should not be able to walk away so easily. To recap: I was on tour in 2018. I was forced to: my management said if I don’t do this tour, I will have to find an attorney. My own management could sue me if I didn’t follow through with the tour. He handed me a sheet of paper as I got off the stage in Vegas and said I had to sign it. It was very threatening and scary. And with the conservatorship, I couldn’t even get my own attorney. So out of fear, I went ahead and I did the work.
When I came off that tour, a new show in Las Vegas was supposed to take place. I started rehearsing early, but it was hard because I’d been doing Vegas for four years and I needed a break in between. But no, I was told this is the timeline and this is how it’s going to go. I rehearsed four to four days a week. Half of the time in the studio and a half of the other time in a Westlake studio. I was basically directing most of the show. I actually did most of the choreography, meaning I taught my dancers my new choreography myself, I take everything I do very seriously. There’s tons of video with me at rehearsals. I wasn’t good — I was great. I led a room of 16 new dancers in rehearsals.
It’s funny to hear my managers’ side of the story. They all said I wasn’t participating in rehearsals. And I never agreed to take my medication — my medication is only taken in the mornings, never at rehearsal. They don’t even see me. So why are they even claiming that？ When I said no to one dance move into rehearsals, it was as if I planted a huge bomb somewhere. And I said no, I don’t want to do it this way.
After that my management, my dancers and my assistant of the new people that were supposed to do the new show all went into a room, shut the door and didn’t come out for at least 45 minutes. Ma’am, I’m not here to be anyone’s slave. I can say no to a dance move. I was told by my at the time therapist, Dr. Benson — who [has since] died — that my manager called him and then that moment and told him I wasn’t cooperating or following the guidelines in rehearsals. And he also said I wasn’t taking my medication, which is so dumb, because I’ve had the same lady every morning for the past eight years give me my same medication. And I’m nowhere near these stupid people. It made no sense at all.
There was a week period where they were nice to me, and I told them I don’t want to do it that way. They said if I don’t want to do the new Vegas show, I don’t have to because I was getting really nervous. It was like lifting literally 200 pounds off of me when they said I don’t have to do the show anymore, because it was really really hard on me and it was too much. I couldn’t take it anymore.
So I remember telling my assistant, I feel weird if I say no, I feel like they’re gonna come back and be mean to me or punish me or something. Three days later, after I said no to Vegas, my therapist sat me down in a room and said he had a million phone calls about how I was not cooperating in rehearsals, and I haven’t been taking my medication. All this was false — he immediately, the next day, put me on lithium out of nowhere. He took me off my normal meds I’ve been on for five years. And lithium is a very, very strong and completely different medication compared to what I was used to. You can go mentally impaired if you take too much if you stay on it longer than five months. But he put me on that and I felt drunk. I couldn’t even have a conversation with my mom or dad really about anything. I told him I was scared and I my doctor had me on six different nurses with this new medication come to my home, stay with me to monitor me on this new medication, which I never wanted to be on to begin with. There were six different nurse nurses in my home and they wouldn’t let me get in my car to go anywhere for a month.
Not only did my family not do a ****** thing, my dad was all for it. Anything that happened to me had to be approved by my dad. And my dad acted like he didn’t know that I was told I had to be tested over the Christmas holidays before they sent me away, when my kids went to home to Louisiana. He was the one who approved all of it. My whole family did nothing.
Over the two-week holiday, a lady came into my home for four hours a day, sat me down and did a psych test on me. It took forever. But I was I was told I had to, then after that I got off. When I was told I had to, then after I got a phone call from my dad, basically saying I’d failed the test or whatever, whatever. “I’m sorry, Britney, you have to listen to your doctors. They’re planning to send you to a small home in Beverly Hills to do a small rehab program that we’re going to make up for you. You’re going to pay $60,000 a month for this.” I cried on the phone for an hour and he loved every minute of it.
The control he had over someone as powerful as me, as he loved the control to hurt his own daughter 100,000%. He loved it. I packed my bags and went to that place. I worked seven days a week, no days off, which in California, the only similar thing to this is called s** trafficking. Making anyone work against their will, taking all their possessions away — credit card, cash, phone passport — and placing them in a home where they work with the people who live with them. They all lived in the house with me, the nurses, the 24-7 security. There was one chef that came there and cooked for me daily on them during the weekdays. They watched me change every day — morning, noon and night. I had no privacy dog from my, from my room, I get eight gallons of blood a week.
If I didn’t do any of my meetings and work from eight to six at night, which is 10 hours a day, seven days a week, no days off, I wouldn’t be able to see my kids or my boyfriend. I never had a say in my schedule. They always told me I had to do this. And Ma’am, I will tell you, sitting in a chair 10 hours a day, seven days a week, in a fog… and especially when you can’t walk out the front door.
And that’s why I’m telling you this again two years later, after I’ve lied and told the whole world “I’m okay. And I’m happy.” It’s a lie. I thought I just maybe I said that enough. Because I’ve been in denial. I’ve been in shock. I am traumatized. You know, fake it till you make it. But now I’m telling you the truth. Okay？ I’m not happy. I can’t sleep. I’m so angry. It’s insane. And I’m depressed. I cry every day.
And the reason I’m telling you this is because I don’t think how the state of California can have all this written in the court documents from the time I showed up and do absolutely nothing — just hired, with my money, another person to keep my dad on board. Ma’am, my dad and anyone involved in this conservatorship and my management who played a key role in punishing me — ma’am, they should be in jail. They’re working for Miley Cyrus as she smokes joints onstage at the VMAs — nothing has ever been done to this generation for doing wrong things.
But my precious body who has worked for my dad for the past buck and 13 years, trying to be so good and pretty. So perfectly. He works me so hard. When I do everything I’ve told in the state of California allowed my father — ignorant father — to take his own daughter, who only has a role with me, if I work with him, they’ve set back the whole course and allowed him to do that, to me, that’s given these people I’ve worked for way too much control. They also threaten me and said, If I don’t go, then I have to go to court.
I was advised for my image, I need to go ahead and just go and get it over with. They said that to me. I don’t I don’t even drink alcohol — I should I should drink alcohol, considering what they put my heart through. Also the Bridges facility they sent me to, none of the kids that I was doing this program with for four months — none of the kids there did the program. They never showed up for any of them.
You didn’t have to do anything if you didn’t want to. How come they always made me go？ How come I was always threatened by my dad and anybody that participated in this conservatorship？ If I don’t do this, what they tell me to enslave me to do, they’re gonna punish me.
The last time I spoke to you by just keeping the conversation going, and also keeping my dad in the loop, made me feel like I was dead — like I didn’t matter, like nothing had been done to me, like you thought I was lying or something. I’m telling you again, because I’m not lying. I want to feel heard. And I’m telling you this again, so maybe you can understand the depth and the degree and the damage that they did to me back then.
I want changes going forward. I deserve changes. I was told I have to sit down and be evaluated. Again. If I want to in the conservatorship, Ma’am, I didn’t know I could [contest] the conservatorship. I’m sorry for my ignorance, but I honestly didn’t know that. But honestly, but I don’t think I owe anyone to be evaluated. I’ve done more than enough. I don’t feel like I should even be in room with anyone to offend me by trying to question my capacity of intelligence, whether I need to be in this stupid conservatorship or not. I’ve done more than enough.
I don’t owe these people anything, especially me, the one that has roofed and fed tons of people on tour on the road. It’s embarrassing and demoralizing — that’s the main reason I’ve never said it openly. And mainly, I didn’t want to say it openly, because I honestly don’t think anyone would believe me, to be honest with you, the Paris Hilton story on what they did to her to that that school. I didn’t believe any of that either — I’m sorry. I’m an outsider.
And maybe I’m wrong, and that’s why I didn’t want to say any of this to anybody to the public. People would make fun of me or laugh at me and say, “She’s lying, she’s got everything, she’s Britney Spears.”
I’m not lying. I just want my life back. And it’s been 13 years. And it’s enough. It’s been a long time since I’ve owned my money. And it’s my wish and my dream for all of this to end without being tested. Again, it makes no sense whatsoever for the state of California to sit back and literally watch me with their own two eyes, make a living for so many people, and pay so many people trucks and buses on the road with me and be told, I’m not good enough. But I’m great at what I do. And I allow these people to control what I do, ma’am.
Now, going forward, I’m not willing to meet or see anyone I’m not with — [I’ve met with] enough people against my will, I’m done. All I want is to own my money for this and my boyfriend to drive me in his ******* car.
And I would honestly like to sue my family, to be totally honest with you. I also would like to be able to share my story with the world, and what they did to me, instead of it being a hush-hush secret to benefit all of them. I want to be able to be heard on what they did to me by making me keep this in for so long, is not good for my heart. I’ve been so angry and I cry every day, it concerns me, I’m told I’m not allowed to expose the people who did this to me.
For my sanity, I need you to the judge to approve me to do an interview where I can be heard [about] what they did to me, and actually, I have the right to use my voice and take out for myself. My attorney says I can’t. It’s not good. I can’t let the public know anything they did to me and by not saying anything, is saying it’s okay.
Actually, I don’t want an interview — I’d much rather just have an open call to you for the press to hear, which I didn’t know today we’re doing, so thank you. Instead of having an interview, honestly, I need that to get it off my heart, the anger and all of that, it’s not fair.
They’re telling me lies about me openly. Even my family, they do interviews to anyone they want on news stations, my own family doing interviews, and talking about the situation and making me feel so stupid. And I can’t say one thing.
It’s been two years, I want a recorded call to you actually, we’re doing this now —which I didn’t know that we’re doing. My lawyer, Sam, has been very scared for me to go forward because he’s saying if I speak up, I’m being over overworked. in that facility of that rehab place that the rehab place was me. He told me I should keep it to myself. I would personally like to — actually, I know I’ve had grown with a personal relationship with Sam, my lawyer I’ve been talking to him like three times a week now,, we’ve kind of built a relationship but I haven’t really had the opportunity by my own self to actually handpick my own lawyer by myself. And I would like to be able to do that.
The main reason why I’m here is because I want to revoke conservatorship without having to be evaluated. I’ve done a lot of research, ma’am. And there’s a lot of judges who do in conservatorships for people without them having to be evaluated all the time. The only times they don’t is if a concerned family member says something’s wrong with this person.
And considering my family has lived off my conservatorship for 13 years, I won’t be surprised if one of them has something to say going forward, and say, “We don’t think this should end, we have to help her.” Especially if I get my fair turn exposing what they did to me.
Also want to speak to you about my obligations, which, I personally don’t think at the very moment I owe anybody anything. I have three meetings a week I have to attend no matter what. I just don’t like being told I have to no matter what, even if I’m sick. I would like to do one meeting a week with a therapist. I’ve never been before even before they sent me to that place — I had one therapy session with my doctor and then a therapy person. What I’ve been forced to do is illegal. I shouldn’t be told I have to be available three times a week to these people.
I’m talking to you today because I feel again, yes, even [acting conservator] Jodi [Montgomery] is starting to kind of take it too far with me. They have me going to therapy twice a week and a psychiatrist. I’m a doctor gold. I’ve never in the past to see a therapist more than once a week. It takes too much out of me going to this man.
I’m scared of people. I don’t trust people with what I’ve been through. And the clever setup of being in one of the most exposed places in Westlake, which, yesterday, paparazzi showed me coming out of the place literally crying. It’s embarrassing, and it’s demoralizing. I deserve privacy when I go and have therapy, either at my home, like I’ve done for eight years. Or when Dr. Benson — the man that died — I went to a place similar to what I went to in Westlake which was very exposed and really bad. Okay, so where was I？ It was like, it’s I was identical to Dr. Benson, who illegally, yes 100% abused me by the treatment he gave me, to be totally honest with you. I was so lucky.
JUDGE: The court reporter says if you could just slow it down a little bit, because she’s trying to make sure she gets everything that they’re saying.
Okay, cool. To be totally honest with you, when [Dr. Benson] passed away, I got on my knees and thanked God. In other words, my team is posing with pushing it with me again, I have trapped phobias in small rooms because of the trauma. And for four months in that place, it’s not okay for them to send me — sorry, I’m going too fast — to that small room like that twice a week with another new therapist that I pay that I never even approved. I don’t want to do that. And I haven’t done anything to deserve this treatment.
It’s not okay to force me to do anything I don’t want to do by law. And by law, God in the so-called team should honestly I should be able to sue them for threatening me and saying if I don’t go and do these meetings twice a week, we can we can’t let you have your money and go to Maui on your vacations. You have to do what you’re told for this program and then you will be able to go, but it was a very clever thing. One of the most exposed places in Westlake, knowing I have the hot topic of the conservatorship, that over five papparazzis are going to show up and [photograph] me coming out of that place.
I begged them to make sure that they did this at my home, so I would have privacy. The conservatorship, from the beginning, whoever it is in the conservatorship [is] making money, [I’m] making them money and myself money and working. That whole statement right there, the conservatorship should end. I shouldn’t be in a conservatorship. If I can work and provide money and work for myself and pay other people — it makes no sense. The laws need to change what state allows people to own another person’s money and account and threaten them and saying, “You can’t spend your money unless you do what we want you to do.” And I’m paying them.
Ma’am, I’ve worked since I was 17 years old, you have to understand how that is for me every morning — I can’t go somewhere unless I meet people I don’t know every week in our office, identical to the one where the therapist was very abusive to me. I truly believe this conservatorship is abusive, and that we can sit here all day and say oh, conservatorships are here to help people. But ma’am, there’s a thousand conservatorships that are abusive as well.
I don’t feel like I can live a full life I don’t own. I don’t owe them to go see a man I don’t know and share him my problems. I don’t even believe in therapy. I always think you take it to God. I want to end the conservatorship without being evaluated. In the meantime, I want this therapist. Once a week, I just want him to come to my home. I’m not willing to go to Westlake and be embarrassed by all these The scummy paparazzi laughing in my face while I’m crying, coming out and taking my pictures as all these white nice dinners, where people drinking wine at restaurants, watching these places. They send me out to the most exposed places, and I told them I didn’t want to go there because I knew paparazzi would show up there.
I’m not sure how you make your decisions, ma’am. But this is the only chance for me to talk to you for a while. I need your help, so if you can just kind of let me know where your head is. I don’t really honestly know what to say but my requests are just to end the conservatorship without being evaluated, I want to petition basically to end the conservatorship. I don’t want to be evaluated, to be sat in a room with people for hours a day, like they did me before. And they made it even worse for me after that happened.
I’m honestly new with this. And I’m doing research on all these things. I do know common sense and the method that things can end it for people, it has ended without them being evaluated. So I just want you to take that in consideration. It also took a year, during COVID, to get me any self-care methods. She said there were no services available. She’s lying, ma’am. My mom went to the spot twice in Louisiana during COVID. For a year, I didn’t have my nails done — no hairstyling and no massages, no acupuncture. Nothing for a year, I saw the maids in my home each week with their nails done a different each time. She made me feel like my dad does, very similar her behavior and my dad, but just a different dynamic team wants me to work and stay home instead of having longer vacations.
They are used to a nice sort of doing a weekly routine for them. And I’m over it. I don’t feel like I owe them anything at this point. They need to be reminded they actually work for me.
I was supposed to be able to I have a friend that I used to do a meetings with. I did for two years, I did three meetings a week, I’ve met a bunch of women there. And I’m not able to see my friends that live eight minutes away from me, which I find extremely strange.
I feel like they’re making me feel like I live in a rehab program. This is my home. I’d like for my boyfriend to be able to drive me in his car. And I want to meet with a therapist once a week, not twice a week. And I want him to come to my home. I would like to progressively move forward and I want to have the real deal, I want to be able to get married and have a baby.
I was told right now in the conservatorship, I’m not able to get married or have a baby, I have a IUD inside of myself right now so I don’t get pregnant. I wanted to take the IUD out so I could start trying to have another baby. But this so called team won’t let me go to the doctor to take it out because they don’t want me to have children any more children. So basically, this conservatorship is doing me way more harm than good.
I deserve to have a life. I’ve worked my whole life. I deserve to have a two to three year break and just, you know, do what I want to do. But I do feel like there is a crunch here. And I feel open and I’m okay to talk to you today about it. But I wish I could stay with you on the phone forever, because when I get off the phone with you, all of a sudden all I hear all these knows — no, no, no. And then all of a sudden I get I feel ganged up on and I feel bullied and I feel left out and alone. And I’m tired of feeling alone. I deserve to have the same rights as anybody does, by having a child, a family, any of those things, and more so.
And that’s all I wanted to say to you. Thank you so much for letting me speak to you today.
JUDGE: You’re quite welcome. And also, I just want to tell you that I certainly am sensitive to everything that you said and how you’re feeling and I know that it took a lot of courage for you to say everything you have to appreciate your coming on the line and sharing.